"40"

So I turned 40 years old yesterday. Because the first digit on the odometer has rolled over, and because it's pretty much in the middle of our expected life span (in the US anyway), it's a landmark birthday that often causes people to reflect on the state of their lives. And, what the Hell, I've got a Blog - why not me?

The question that I ask myself often these days is, "am I where I want to be in my life?" (Sometimes it comes in the form of, "Where am I in comparison to what I expected when I was younger?") It's not a suprise to the regular readers (reader?) of this Blog that there are changes that I would like to make, particularly with regard to my career. (And the update on the prior post is that I haven't heard yet from MaineBiz, so I'm guessing that they are not interested). I have known for probably 10 years that I don't enjoy my chosen career. Oh, there are times that it's kind of fun for me, but for the most part I look ahead on my career path and think, "that's not for me." Especially now as I peruse the job listings with regularity, I find myself looking at positions for which I'm very qualified and thinking, "Ick. I don't want to do that!" I also find myself (gasp!) Blogging at work. Writing when I should be accounting. This seems like another indicator that I don't desire a future that follows my present career path.

So, how did I get to this place? What kind of person will spend 10 years plugging away at a career that they don't like? I suppose that the easy answer to that one is, most US citizens spend their days at jobs they hate. But does that make it OK, and does that mean that I should just fall in line, suck it up and be miserable like the rest of you? I don't think so (which doesn't mean that I want the rest of you to be miserable, mind you), and I've got to do something about it. Which has been the problem in the past - I have been afraid to take risks in my life, for fear of losing the lifestyle that I have become accustomed to. But what good is maintaining that lifestyle if it's not making you happy, and you feel like it gets in the way of the pursuit of the things that do bring you joy?

It would be regrettable indeed if I were to wake up after another 40 years and say to myself, "well THIS has been a waste of time!"

So I'm making changes. There are things in life that bring me joy: my wife, my family, my friends, writing (and reading), baseball, nature & the environment, playing guitar, travelling and gardening foremost among them. What I find, however, is that working, commuting to and from work, and doing things to get ready to go to work (making lunches, ironing) take up a large portion of my waking hours, leaving precious little time for the things that I enjoy. Part of the solution is to make better use of my "free" time, which is part of the endeavor. Another part could be to generate my income while engaged in the activities that I enjoy. Since I'm unlikely to ever learn how to play guitar well enough to make a living in music, I am focused primarily on making the transition to a career as "working writer", though I would also pursue a finance opportunity for an environmental cause or a company that is providing alternative energy sources. While the MaineBiz thing didn't work out, I will be registering for a "How to Freelance" class this fall. Every step I take brings me more confidence that I will be successful one day in having a career that I enjoy.

And so I suspect it will follow that making the commitment toward my goals and continually making efforts to achieve them will lead me to a more fullfilling life as I navigate through my 40's. I have made changes in my personal values and in the way that I communicate that have led to a stronger relationship with my wife. I have made changes to my diet and exercise habits that allowed me to lose 50 pounds. I have made following my passions more of a priority, which has led me to my baseball scoring gig, to buy a guitar, and to write much more than in the past (evidenced by Joe's Family of Blogs!). It has led me to take a more active role in preserving the environment, by making better purchasing choices, recycling, and promoting my views via the Web. And so it will be with my career.

So am I where I want to be with my life? No, not really, but I'm getting there. I'm in good health, in pretty good shape financially, and have many valuable relationships with the people in my life. I'm headed in the right direction, which I probably would not have been able to say ten years ago. The first 40 years of my life haven't been an unqualified success, but the next 40 just may be.