Open the door.

Doorknob
Originally uploaded by Roadduck99

If you’re still with me on this thing, be advised that what follows isn’t what you’ve come to expect from me. This isn’t intended to be a naval-gazer blog. Sometimes that’s just what’s needed.

I’m looking for a door to open. I think there’s one around here someplace, and perhaps it’s already open, like the one in the photo. Perhaps, like the photo, there’s a window that reveals what is on the other side, and perhaps the door is already open wide enough that the outside is reflected in the doorknob. And perhaps it has been there all along, but I’ve only seen the door separating me from the other side and never looked closely enough to notice the knob was ready for me to turn.

The 12 months or so have been difficult for me. Almost exactly a year ago, my wife and I moved into a new house in the heart of town. This was supposed to be an exciting new beginning, with a smaller mortgage and a smaller commute. What it has turned into, for me, has been a lot of dissatisfaction. I’ve had difficulty sorting out priorities and setting goals, or even seeing the value in doing so. I haven’t given the attention deserved by my marriage, my job, or myself. I have sought counsel to sort things out. I have, I am sad to say, come away with a lesser opinion of myself.

I have discovered that the doors I believed were keeping me out of a good place, may in fact be keeping me in a bad place. I don’t need to arrive so much as I need to escape.

I began this blog because I had stories to tell. I have not been allowing myself to tell these stories for a couple of years now. I have many excuses, but it doesn’t seem important to hash through those here. I’ve got people with whom I can discuss those. In recent months I have taken up telling stories through photographs that I post at flickr. The doorknob photo, I think, tells more of a story about me than about the old building that houses it. (The farmhouse at the McLaughlin Garden in South Paris, if you’re curious.) Other photos that I have posted tell stories about my gardens at home and the world that I see around me.

They say a picture tells a thousand words. I like them because, though I have much to learn, a photograph can be quick and easy to produce. They are also quick and easy for many people to enjoy. Writing, for me, is usually fairly quick and easy, too. When I have a story to tell, I can produce half a picture in a fairly short amount of time. But somewhere along the way I have closed myself in a room thinking that it’s not so quick and easy to write – not if I want to “do it the right way.” But I think it’s time to try turning the knob and see if the door will open.

I have stories to tell. I won’t be telling one every day, and not all will appear here, but I will be telling them. The door is open.